Bittersweet - Deadlines versus Carpe Diem.

Today’s weigh in: 71.3kg / 156.8lbs (0.6kg / 1.3lbs loss)

I really don’t want to complain, because even if I can’t run right now, I’m still losing. The pessimism might be due to October’s progress when I was doing sports actively and losing fast week by week. Now, it’s a little hard to process this new ‘gear’ I’m in. Sport became my daily routine in the past months and now I feel how I much I miss it. And around August I had a little something in my mind. I know it is embarrassing but I admit it: I wanted to be below 70 kg (or 150lbs) by the New Moon premiere. (I haven’t seen it yet, though)

I have some ideas why I’m in such a blah mood, but apart from that sometimes I think about which would be the better: to set goals and deadlines or just doing things carpe diem, without any pressure. Well, since I’m an economist/business major I still prefer deadlines and goals in order to be effective. Failure can be tough, but also motivating. In my case right now I feel disappointed, but on the other hand without any major workouts I’m only 1.3kg (2.8pounds) away from that milestone. After what I’ve been through it should be a piece of cake, right?

The other thing which bothers me a lot (besides the lack of workouts) that I really put my anxiety on other people. I don’t think I’m rude but I’ve been definitely talking way too much about weight loss, which has never – ever – been my strong point. (I’m still surprised by myself!) I tend to bring up the topic way too many times, and how disappointed I’m with this and that etc. I could keep this in a secret for a long time and now since it’s out maybe this is my way to handle ‘embarrassment’. No idea, but I need to stop. Really. Seriously.

One other confession: due to ‘other’ things, and my blah mood I had a binge day. Not a crucial one, but enough that I’m sick to my stomach… and it doesn’t feel nice. :(


Someday SkinnyMinnie said...

I saw New Moon tonight. It was amazing! Just blew Twilight out of the water, and New Moon was my least favorite book so I wasn't expecting a whole lot. Changing directors was a very good move. I thought the characters were better-not so ridiculously awkward.

You have to find someone you can talk weight loss with. When I find that I'm talking too much to friends that don't understand, I shut my mouth and later find someone who gets it. Or I blog and hope that in due time I'll get some encouraging comments.

I'm jealous that each week you've lost weight consistently. Looking at your progress you've always gone down, even if it's just by tenths. You've never had any stagnation or gains. Consider that a success! I've been expecting to see 207 pounds on the scale since my second week. I try not to get too down on myself. You shouldn't either.

Eszter said...

We are planning to watch the movie this week, can't wait! (:

My friends are great, seriously, and they are very understanding. More than understanding because I had other deeper issues too, not just the extra weight in itself and they kept being extremely cool about it. I just don't want to be that person who always end up talking about one thing, and to become boring or annoying. It's just the impatience I think. But I will work on that. I really love to use this blogosphere to talk about these things here because here I can more easily relate.

Yes, overall I think I'm very lucky with the losses but it's mostly because I got fed up with this extra weight thing so much this summer, that I really want to lose it now. I mean, I don't want to struggle anymore and maybe that's why I am so determined about it. This whole thing is a damn mind game and I'm already that kind of person who does things with 100% or with a 0%. Not the best thing I know, but so far it's working (:

Someday SkinnyMinnie said...

I'm slowing moving away from the "all or nothing" mentality. Usually I burn myself out trying to do as much as possible. When I hit rock bottom I don't do anything. It's terrible! This time, I'm doing much better at pacing myself and accepting each loss for what it is-a step in the right direction. =)