:(

Running yesterday was a bad idea. I felt my ankle steady during the run but today it hurts so much at places where it shouldn’t and the ankle is swollen again. I think my mind knew that it wasn’t ready because by the pain I realize I pretty much put all the pressure on my other side. People also called me crazy today, several times for hitting the running field again. Moreover, I feel extreme stiff both in my thighs, damn … this is 2,5 weeks without training. I think I may gave up on my plan to run the 8.3km on Dec 11 and put running aside for another 2 weeks… :( Health first, right?

Get in ‘Shape’

(the dates are messy because I wrote it yesterday just forgot to post)

This has been the 18th day since my last run. Unbelievable. (!!!) Ever since I can’t actively move my legs I’ve been spending a lot of time on the internet, just for research. I try to explain why.

When I started the weight loss thing it was all about the loss. I had fat and unwanted body parts everywhere and I just wanted them to ‘shrink’. So I mostly did cardio work to burn the fat. But I saw the photos which were taken on the party and I had to realize that’s not enough any more. Odd enough, but I’m starting to be okay with my legs and butt, but my upper body is scandalous. On those photos they look like I was put together from two different person, like Frankenstein. It’s also been a topic on the blogosphere for a while so I found this: I’m a standard apple. Damn. Very small ankles and wrists, even my arms are small, but above my waist everything is so … I would say ‘weirdly shaped’.

I tried to look for any advice but the first thing they came up with this body type (on every site I visited) is that how critical for your health this situation on the long term, could be the source of cardio and etc problems. Fantastic. There were some diet suggestions (basically eat healthy, whatsoever) but no detailed workouts. Only reference: lift weights.

My reaction: great. I hate lifting weights, I hate doing this kind of exercises in general. But it seems that it might be the answer for my problem.

I have a couple of DVDs which have a great focus on the troubled areas, but there are some very cool Abs workout routines I found to be useful on youtube, in case you’re interested:

• Lorie Baker's Pilates Routine: here.
• The Best Pilates Core Workout Video: here.
• Béres Alexandra - Abs workout: here. (note: this isn’t in English but a full 10 minute workout)

Run!!!

This afternoon my dad told me to pick up his shoes from the Plaza and I was thinking that I might go for a power walk before since I desperately ‘crave’ active exercise. (the term belongs to SkinnyMinnie (: ) The weather was ugly, very foggy and wet but I put on my workout gear just in case. I spent the last two days reading online material about running after injury so I won’t lie that that was my goal. I did a thorough warm-up but I was afraid of the leaves on the already slippery pavement. First I aimed for 4 times 5 minute run, 3-4 minute walk. I was very careful. Right after I started running I realized that my ankle didn’t feel weird at all, just a little powerless which is no wonder after 2,5 weeks rest. So, I ended up running 2 times 15 minutes, with a 3 minute walk in between just to be sure I wouldn’t push my current limits too hard. The second 15 minutes were a bit faster but I tried to calm myself, don’t freak out, you’re running! Again! (:

So I didn’t want to risk to do a longer workout. I might calculate the distance later (approx. 4,5km I guess) but I’m still thrilled. It was quite sentimental, since my workout finished with the song, Whatever it Takes by Lifehouse. Now I’m enjoying a warm tea and put a bag of ice on my ankle just to prevent any swollenness. I try to take it slow, but … YAY! (:


Edit: I calculated my run and it was 4.35km (2.7miles). Post injury, it's not that bad.

Bittersweet - Deadlines versus Carpe Diem.

Today’s weigh in: 71.3kg / 156.8lbs (0.6kg / 1.3lbs loss)

I really don’t want to complain, because even if I can’t run right now, I’m still losing. The pessimism might be due to October’s progress when I was doing sports actively and losing fast week by week. Now, it’s a little hard to process this new ‘gear’ I’m in. Sport became my daily routine in the past months and now I feel how I much I miss it. And around August I had a little something in my mind. I know it is embarrassing but I admit it: I wanted to be below 70 kg (or 150lbs) by the New Moon premiere. (I haven’t seen it yet, though)

I have some ideas why I’m in such a blah mood, but apart from that sometimes I think about which would be the better: to set goals and deadlines or just doing things carpe diem, without any pressure. Well, since I’m an economist/business major I still prefer deadlines and goals in order to be effective. Failure can be tough, but also motivating. In my case right now I feel disappointed, but on the other hand without any major workouts I’m only 1.3kg (2.8pounds) away from that milestone. After what I’ve been through it should be a piece of cake, right?

The other thing which bothers me a lot (besides the lack of workouts) that I really put my anxiety on other people. I don’t think I’m rude but I’ve been definitely talking way too much about weight loss, which has never – ever – been my strong point. (I’m still surprised by myself!) I tend to bring up the topic way too many times, and how disappointed I’m with this and that etc. I could keep this in a secret for a long time and now since it’s out maybe this is my way to handle ‘embarrassment’. No idea, but I need to stop. Really. Seriously.

One other confession: due to ‘other’ things, and my blah mood I had a binge day. Not a crucial one, but enough that I’m sick to my stomach… and it doesn’t feel nice. :(

Quick update

I’m at the university library trying to start the work on my thesis and catch up on missed home works, translations which I should have finished a long time ago. My ankle is healing, slowly. It’s not that swollen any more, but it definitely hurts like hell by the end of the day. But the doctors said this should be (unfortunately) expected. I just wish this was over and I could run again.

In the meantime I try to stay on track with eating, I have less and less problems with it. I also realized that it’s the perfect time for upper body workouts (which I pretty much hate). Last week I read on Megan’s blog that she joined Angela’s ‘Whittle my Middle’ challenge. I’m not that good with challenges because my schedule and life just not designed for that, but I copied the idea and started to do 10 minute abdominal exercises 5 times a week. I took no pre-measurements but until I can’t do any decent workouts, it’s better than nothing. Unfortunately yesterday I had to cancel my step aerobics classes too at the university but I try to look on the bright side, the ankle situation could have been much worse, with much more hospital and doctor time.

Einstein said...

I’m done hiding behind the blog. It’s a little inspirational quote for everybody from my wall:

BMI

Let me show you guys something.

Today’s weigh-in: 71.9kg / 158.1lbs.

Good news because I managed to lose (I say maintain) a tiny compared to this Monday without any sport activity and constant bed rest.

But, what I am really saying is, that I've just checked my BMI here.

The categories:

24.9! Which means that I’m exactly at the margin of ‘Normal weight’!!! Believe me, I’m still a fattie (unfortunately I have a very small frame size but I’m tall, so probably this you could call cheating) but my starting BMI was 28.7. Way to go!

‘Easy way out’(?)

I had a little too much time for research and here’s a topic which has been going on my mind for a while.

This Wednesday I went to a live concert with my closest friends, one of them is doing a special program to lose weight and we talked about her and my experiences a little. She’s doing a 3 week acupuncture treatment (3 times a week) followed by a 600cal daily diet. She’s already lost 6kg (13.2lbs) in 2 weeks, and she’s planning to do another 3 week to fully lose the weight. When the treatment is over she has to maintain an introduction diet, first about 1000-1200cal per day and slowly increase the intake level. When she asked about ‘my method’ I only said that I’m doing the natural way. Eat healthy and exercise. When I asked her about this treatment, her words ‘I chose the easy way out’.

So what do you say, is there an easy way out? Do such things exist?

I mean I remember back in August. I was almost at the highest weight of all time and it seemed so impossible to reach not the thin, but even the decent overweight zone. I struggled a lot (I still do) with patience and being realistic. Everything was so far away and my tiny efforts to lose the weight often made me think about that my situation was so hopeless that there was no point in trying. I tried special diets in my life, the zero cal diet which failed me every time after a couple of days (shocker!), I did twice the 90 days diet but I gave up them, too. Typical Yo-yo dieting. This summer I thought about diet pills too and a liquid diet but I never had the courage. I did tons of drastic things in my life for weight loss and I refuse to make the same mistakes.

I mean (and don’t get me wrong, this is my opinion and I honestly cheer for my friend to succeed) most overweight people have eating problems. I don’t deny, I did (do?) have a serious eating disorder. When I decided to lose weight it was mostly because I was so fed up with my crazy habit, that I wanted to get rid of it and for me losing weight was just a bonus. You can now figure out how deep I was in that eating disorder mess.

And if someone ever enters to such vicious circle I don’t think there are such things as a magic wand … for a long term. You can heal fast but what comes easy, goes away easy. However, I’m not saying that a treatment like I’ve mentioned is that easy. It’s a treatment after all. 600cal daily intake for 3 weeks. You need the courage, you need to decide to hang onto it. And you need to follow the strict rules. It’s absolutely not ‘that’ easy. It’s a different point of view maybe.

Even though I complain a lot about how hard and how slow this process I hardly mention how much it becomes easier day by day. Working out became the natural routine of my day, so did healthy food choices, or that I don’t eat after 7pm. Whenever I’m standing before a wending machine it never pops in my mind that I should choose a sugary soda instead of mineral water. Little things. It causes less and less problems when I’m around people that I follow my unique routine and I’ve learnt to say no and say yes to small portions. I’m starting to believe that I’m getting out of a very deep hole which took 6 years of my life but I’m still careful with such statements. I still have weak points and days, but who doesn’t?

So in my opinion if everybody ever has the desire to leave the weight mess behind for long term needs to go through the change of lifestyle. It’s hard, time consuming and sometimes very messy, followed by mistakes. But in this process there’s time to learn from these mistakes and experience. And slowly, slowly everything gets better. Working out tests your stamina, and I love the concept of achievement. It forms the body, keeps someone active and healthy.

I’m not saying I’m a masochist. Because if a fairy said to me that tomorrow I could be skinny, I would take the deal immediately. But in my case there were serious issues behind the fact that I’m overweight and it seems that I’m on my way to fix them. Being healthy (mentally/physically) is an extremely important thing.

Injury update

I’d love to thank you all for the lovely comments on my previous post. (: I spent this week mostly resting, icing and using all kind of miracle things which could make my ankle hear faster. I only went to the university on Wednesday, but at the end of the day my ankle was swollen again. Also, I kept getting comments why on earth hadn’t I gone to a doctor’s office. Yesterday I was so freaked out I gave in. Personally, I hate hospitals and I have a sick fear from doctors. But I started to think about what if something had been torn in my ankle, when could I run again, if there was any serious problem and all I’d been doing just making damage? I’d love to use my legs on a long term, especially since I can say I’ve been a pretty active athlete recently. So we went to the local hospital’s Traumatology. It was freaking scary, but after the x-ray it turned out that there’s no serious injury to worry about. No break, no tear, it’s a bad sprained ankle but it is going to be fine, indeed.

I think I needed to hear that from a doctor. But it’s been 9 days since my last run and I’m really missing it. My lifestyle became so active during the past 3 months that now I hardly can cope with ‘doing nothing’ in general.

Injured, but…

So the weekend was hell. My ankle became unrecognizable, swollen and purple, I freaked out. However, it’s getting better and better but mostly due to doing nothing but resting. Seriously want my opinion? It sucks. So much. I wanted to go for a run this weekend to time my 5k but now I don’t know when it’s gonna happen. And the worst part is that my fear concentrated on that this way I’m gonna gain weight which I don’t want to. But, on the other hand I try to look at the bright side. It’s only a bruise, already healing. Much worse thing could have happened but it didn’t. After 3 months of intensive sport activity I guess a week of rest can mean no harm.

I had my WI on Saturday morning when I was still pretty much hangover. I spent the weekend analysing what exactly was the reason why I had such a minor loss? Anyway, my fear of gain I stepped on the scale today morning, just to check how my weekend went after all:

72.1kg / 158.6lbs (!!!)

I could hardly believe what I saw. I’m guessing the Sat WI was kinda false because of Thu night/Fri morning. This also means that I reached a metric system mile stone by losing 10.8kg (23.8lbs) after all. (and of course getting under the 160 mark) Not to mention, while I’m updating now I’m wearing a pair of goal jeans! Yay!