Weight loss reboot

I haven’t given up on the weight loss blogosphere but it has certainly been a while since I last updated.

The main reason of the absence was most likely something like Hadley mentioned in her blog a week ago. Boredom. I grew tired of constant proportion control and all the healthy food, workouts and such. According to my excel sheet I lost 12.3lbs in 8 weeks. Seems a bit slow, nevertheless, I won’t complain. Every week I stepped on the scale (except the first one) I lost weight. Even if it was just a tiny loss. Somehow ‘living healthy’ became a monotonous routine of my life and I just couldn’t see the goal anymore I set in the beginning. So if I wrote a week 7 review, it would involve rambling about bad food choices and feeling blue. For instance last weekend I did something I promised I would leave behind myself. I went to the supermarket and bought a bag of chips, cookies and a bag of pretzels. All the items are known to be high in fat, obviously junk food. I used to have daily trips like this one (the reason I became fat) to the supermarket but seriously I haven’t done it for 7 weeks. I felt a little remorse because I knew I should have been a bit more responsible but some dark thoughts kept whispering why on the earth not to have a real binge after all this time? On the other hand I didn’t feel bad because I had been a good girl for 7 weeks. Also, in the deep I somehow hoped that a binge could throw me back on track because I would realize how crazy that lifestyle and how I wanted to change. I also attended to a birthday party last weekend where I decided not to say no to alcohol (yay champagne and martini!) and the cake. All together my theory worked. Turned out that during the last 7 weeks my body got used to healthy meals and I had an awful tummy ache for 2 days.

I believe in trends and the problems of sustainable growth (in this case sustainable weight loss) is a hell of a struggle to maintain. I think last week my mood was also influenced by Friday’s ridiculous 0.6 pound loss, however I ate well and worked out 4 times that week. I also started to be less enthusiastic about everything and maybe sometimes a sugar free diet can throw you for a mind loop.

Anyway, a new month started and I seem to be doing fine. It’s just patience I have a serious problem with.

Food as lifebelt

I have this huge exam coming up this Friday. It basically contains 2 years of hardcore accounting studies and the exam is mandatory. Of course, school has started, already tons of presentations, team works, essays etc. Not to mention I had already taken an other stressful exam on 11th Sept and haven’t had the chance to recover yet.

On the other hand this summer I decided to live healthy. But knowing my past healthy lifestyle and food can’t exist together. I realized during my 6 years of binging that I either ate because I was under so much stress (mostly school deadlines, exams) or I had already gained so much weight that I became depressed. Anyway, I think I can say that the past 6 weeks I was binge-free, yesterday this fact changed a little.

I tried to study for that exam I mentioned but I had so much other things to do, that I just constantly felt freaked out, stressed and somehow angry too. Yesterday evening I couldn’t handle it anymore and it happened. Like an instinct. After all I say it could have been worse, but definitely something I want to leave behind. I’d really love to wake up one day and say, when stress hits me I don’t end up running towards food.

Bad news equal eating?

(originally posted 19/08/09)

My main problem (and I think this is the main reason I have this major problem) is that I am an 'overeater'. An emotional overeater.

Like today I started okay, in good mood, excited for starting another healthy day without any 'dark thoughts' (like I choose bad food and skip exercise because I'm lazy). Then midday I received some bad news (more of something which made me mad and confused). I immediately thought of eating. (!!!) Like right now I would go to the supermarket, buy some cookies and stuff, and screw this 'I'm going to lose weight' thing. But I tried to resist to the temptation. I finished my work, and then I hopped on the indoor bicycle for a 40 minute exercise. Later I had lunch so I tought that then the hunger would go away. A couple hours later though the 'dark thoughts' came back. Especially when I saw the Nesquik Cocoa in the cupboard and immediately had a random thought to make pancakes.

I don't want to be so strict with my diet so that I can not keep up with it. I know myself, I've been there. Extremes are dangerous for me because I either starve myself or overeat so much junk I would be even embarressed to admit it. When I'm in a situation described above it is never about just one cookie. Or one chocholate bar. It's more, like one (or two) whole bag of something, and I probably drink soda instead of water.

So instead of giving in for the 'dark thoughts' I ate 4 peaches. I didn't want to starve myself and wait till dinner because I'm 100 percent sure that would end up real bad, like going to the supermarket after all.

I'm okay now. But I'm telling you, finding the balance is one hell of a big struggle.