Week 4-5 - Review

Last friday I had to take an exam which was hell. The exam was 4 hours long, all about hardcore business mathematics, statistics and probability theory. I should have taken it a long time ago but I kept postponing it so I reached a point where the stake was high. If I hadn't passed the exam, I would have been dismissed. 4 years of studying would have been in vain, just before my final 5th year. I passed the exam though.

But the hard part was the pressure and that I did know how important this was and how I had big things to lose. So last week I did well with my eating and working out until Wednesday. Then the anxiety and stress won, and I took a break from tracking my food and workouts. I know this journey is supposed to be about handling stress without eating problems, binging etc. But those days were so freaking crazy that I had to prioritize for my academic future.

I didn't work out for 4 days. I thought under the pressure those 4 days would be all about binging and gaining weight (as I usually do and why I became fat) but I have to tell, I didn't eat that bad at all. I ate some things I haven't been eating for a while but no huge portions. I did eat after 7 but not that much I would regret the other day. Because of this exam I was an emotional wreck, I couldn't sleep for days. But I'm proudly can say that the past 5 weeks taught me to make unconciously better choices. That's an improvement.

This Monday was the first day of school and it was crucial that everyone was so relaxed and happy because their summer wasn't about this damn exam. I have to confess, this summer was especially hard and emotional.

But being back to school I can handle this new lifestyle. I'm starting to have a good relationship with food, I have a great place for running/powerwalking workout on the bankside Danube.

I also went for a gym class after a 2 year break. I was very nervous. It was step aerobics, with a bunch of very fashionable, skinny freshmen. And I was the oldest and fattest among them. I don't like to work out in groups because I hate the feeling that I'm different. But I will go next week too. It is not the happiest 80 minutes of my week, but I don't want to give up and as hard as it is to be there, at least I'm being reminded that I want to change.

Week 3 - Review

Still doing okay, though I'm a bit starting to lose the motivation and enthusiasm. Maybe it's because the weather has been so freaky lately or more likely that badass exam which is on this Friday. That exam covers 3 years of hardcore Mathematics and Statistics education and the stake is high. I really need to pass no matter what.

Eating is also okay, though a quick note to myself, if I want to lose weight I need to forget bread. I also stepped on the scale this morning and I was 79.4kg / 174.6lbs. My aim is to get under 79 by this week's official weigh-in.

Week 2 - Review

I have a secret obsession with organizing some things, for instance I'm really glad I'm having a food journal. It's not just about writing down what I ate but I really like to look over it and analyze things. The same goes for my workout log. It may have something to do with that I'm studying finance, so I do numbers, trends all the time.

Anyway, my eating habits are changing. It is true how doing things step by step is easier. When I made my decision a little more than two weeks ago I tried not to be too drastic. The first week was all about making my food choices better, obviously not perfect. It was not that easy.

This week I tried to eat normal lunch every day, not too much. Breakfast always. Way back it also worked for me miracles that for dinner I ate lots of vegetables or only fruits. This is seems to be working again. I struggle with the 'dark thoughts' (aka the need for binge) sometimes but so far I managed to control. I can even say no to cookies and cakes.

And this is the workout log for last week. Ib stands for indoor bicycle, pw is power walking, RR is a 20 minute workout dvd session.

I think I'm doing okay.

Week 1 - Review

I had no idea last Sunday if I could make it for a week. Sad to say but after years of weight loss & gain struggles I lost faith in myself. I either thought too much to just start the 'healthy lifestyle' (like constant planning, or not today but tomorrow), or I did start it with extreme expectations and goal for short term period and I gave up in days.

But I tried to remember how my last big attempt worked two years ago and I went with it. The key is really just do it, keep a food journal and exercise. But my biggest problem/fear has always been the pressure that what if I eat something 'bad', then the whole day is ruined (because in my head there were only 'perfect days' with 'perfect choices') so feel free to keep overeating, no need to exercise at all since today as I said is already ruined. It kept going like this for a long time so no surprise that I gained weight.

I had some doubts about the first week. What if I admit in my food journal that I ate something I shouldn't have, or didn't exercise, the same happens on the other day and I accept the fact. But not from a weight loss point of view but from an other one, that nothing happens, I just accept now on a daily basis on paper that I am overweight and I would keep being overweight.

But as a review I can say I did well for the first week. I documented everything I ate and my workouts. Of course I find some things from my old habits but I also see improvement. For example I gave up a recent 'addiction' of mine: Coca Coke. I drank it all the time ridiculously lot and now it has been replaced with herbal tea and water. Day by day. I haven't been the water drinker type to say the least.
Also instead of disgust I started to eat fruits and vegetables. I even paid attention not to eat after 6 or 7pm and I made sure I always ate breakfast so I wouldn't be so hungry by lunch. I also tried to eat only as much I needed. No huge portions or doubles, if it wasn't necessary.

The exercise part went okay, especially since I haven't done any workouts for almost 1,5 years. Seriously. So I went for power walks, I had indoor bicycle workouts and I dusted my used to be favourite fitness dvd. Little things like using stairs instead of elevators.

The scale thing: I have no idea. I will try it on Thursday (hope it will work) but so far I can already feel the benefits. Still really hard for me to accept that this time losing weight (in a long term!) is going to be a long road, but I'm sure it'll worth it. I really want to change my life because obesity gives me nothing but boundaries.