Week 4-5 - Review

Last friday I had to take an exam which was hell. The exam was 4 hours long, all about hardcore business mathematics, statistics and probability theory. I should have taken it a long time ago but I kept postponing it so I reached a point where the stake was high. If I hadn't passed the exam, I would have been dismissed. 4 years of studying would have been in vain, just before my final 5th year. I passed the exam though.

But the hard part was the pressure and that I did know how important this was and how I had big things to lose. So last week I did well with my eating and working out until Wednesday. Then the anxiety and stress won, and I took a break from tracking my food and workouts. I know this journey is supposed to be about handling stress without eating problems, binging etc. But those days were so freaking crazy that I had to prioritize for my academic future.

I didn't work out for 4 days. I thought under the pressure those 4 days would be all about binging and gaining weight (as I usually do and why I became fat) but I have to tell, I didn't eat that bad at all. I ate some things I haven't been eating for a while but no huge portions. I did eat after 7 but not that much I would regret the other day. Because of this exam I was an emotional wreck, I couldn't sleep for days. But I'm proudly can say that the past 5 weeks taught me to make unconciously better choices. That's an improvement.

This Monday was the first day of school and it was crucial that everyone was so relaxed and happy because their summer wasn't about this damn exam. I have to confess, this summer was especially hard and emotional.

But being back to school I can handle this new lifestyle. I'm starting to have a good relationship with food, I have a great place for running/powerwalking workout on the bankside Danube.

I also went for a gym class after a 2 year break. I was very nervous. It was step aerobics, with a bunch of very fashionable, skinny freshmen. And I was the oldest and fattest among them. I don't like to work out in groups because I hate the feeling that I'm different. But I will go next week too. It is not the happiest 80 minutes of my week, but I don't want to give up and as hard as it is to be there, at least I'm being reminded that I want to change.