The Pants

I read this week some wonderful stories about the benefits of weight loss: smaller sizes, loose pants etc. You know what have happened to me recently? One of my favorite pants teared. Totally. I was coming home last Sunday and when I was changing clothes I realised a huge open tear on the back of my pants. It could have been embarassing too, no idea if anyone noticed because my shirt might have covered the tear. Hopefully. I think this may nothing to do with my weight because the cloth material was so special and slim, and I did bought that pants 5 years ago but I'm sure it teared because I wore it occassionally when I was much bigger. I really liked that pants.

Same day I decided that I would wear my black elegant pants since my favorite just gave up on me. And then what happened? The slide fastener broke. I couldn't wear my second favorite either.

I have to tell, now I officially lost 11.6 lbs, I'm supposed to feel good about my pants and now they are keep giving up on me. Why? The sad thing I have so many clothes, at least 15-20 pants I can't wear because they don't fit. I had only 3-4 pants I could wear and now I can throw out two. I have one very nice and elegant but it's still a bit tight that's why I never feel comfortable in it because I know how strange my belly and hips look whenever I choose to wear that.

You know I used to be slim and when I started to gain weight about six years ago I refused to accept that I was gaining weight. Ever since I've tried not to buy so many clothing items because first, I refused to buy anything bigger sized considering my past, second, I always thought gaining weight was just temporary and later I wouldn't need the bigger clothes anyway, so the whole thing would be a waste of money. Obviously, I wouldn't think that this situation would go for six years and during these years I hardly bought any pants. Pathetic, I know. And right now, at this moment, when I would be screaming that finally they fit, they just gave up on me.

The thing is now that I'm losing weight I refuse to buy anything because I'm 100 percent sure that this time I can make it to the goal. I'd love to lose another 25lbs which is a remarkably big difference in clothing sizes. But I have this ridiculous fear if I buy something comfortable it would slow things down. I'm not a masochist but the way I dress now and the way I wear my clothes is a huge motivator.

And I don't think I've mentioned I started this weight loss thing when none of my pants fitted.