Weight loss reboot

I haven’t given up on the weight loss blogosphere but it has certainly been a while since I last updated.

The main reason of the absence was most likely something like Hadley mentioned in her blog a week ago. Boredom. I grew tired of constant proportion control and all the healthy food, workouts and such. According to my excel sheet I lost 12.3lbs in 8 weeks. Seems a bit slow, nevertheless, I won’t complain. Every week I stepped on the scale (except the first one) I lost weight. Even if it was just a tiny loss. Somehow ‘living healthy’ became a monotonous routine of my life and I just couldn’t see the goal anymore I set in the beginning. So if I wrote a week 7 review, it would involve rambling about bad food choices and feeling blue. For instance last weekend I did something I promised I would leave behind myself. I went to the supermarket and bought a bag of chips, cookies and a bag of pretzels. All the items are known to be high in fat, obviously junk food. I used to have daily trips like this one (the reason I became fat) to the supermarket but seriously I haven’t done it for 7 weeks. I felt a little remorse because I knew I should have been a bit more responsible but some dark thoughts kept whispering why on the earth not to have a real binge after all this time? On the other hand I didn’t feel bad because I had been a good girl for 7 weeks. Also, in the deep I somehow hoped that a binge could throw me back on track because I would realize how crazy that lifestyle and how I wanted to change. I also attended to a birthday party last weekend where I decided not to say no to alcohol (yay champagne and martini!) and the cake. All together my theory worked. Turned out that during the last 7 weeks my body got used to healthy meals and I had an awful tummy ache for 2 days.

I believe in trends and the problems of sustainable growth (in this case sustainable weight loss) is a hell of a struggle to maintain. I think last week my mood was also influenced by Friday’s ridiculous 0.6 pound loss, however I ate well and worked out 4 times that week. I also started to be less enthusiastic about everything and maybe sometimes a sugar free diet can throw you for a mind loop.

Anyway, a new month started and I seem to be doing fine. It’s just patience I have a serious problem with.

Nothing happens by accident

I was a good girl during these three weeks, I literally ate no candies, cookies, cakes etc. (though I could have but said no) So I thought I'd have pizza for lunch. It was a smaller pizza but somehow it felt a bit too much. Probably because now I eat smaller portions. Anyway I was so full, my tummy didn't feel right. I was also in a middle of a study session and there was some Coke in the fridge so I thought that little coffeine now could save me for not falling asleep on the books and notes.

Later I needed to run some errands, post office and such and while I was passing by the supermarket I thought about more 'treats'. You know a person can never be satisfied, always want more and more ... But luckily I managed to agree with myself that the pizza I had and the 2 glasses of Coke were enough for one day. However, on my way home I wasn't sure about my decision. I checked the mailbox and there was something fancy for me. It was a junkmail which I never get. As I opened it turned out to be this:

Recipes for cakes and all kinds of cookies. Seriously. I can't even bake. And how an earth did I get a mail like this the minute I felt to give in for the cravings? All the 'dark thoughts' disappeared immediately.

This is what I call improvement.

Day 17 - The first (almost) break

I don't know what was going on with me but I felt so blue all day. I was cranky and gloomy, I didn't want to do anything just be. I tried to find out what could have been behind these emotions.

First, I have a very important complex exam on 11th Sept which I'm pretty much stressed about. It is no joke, five subjects, hardcore mathematics and statistics. I've been studying for quite a while but I think it's absolutely impossible to prepare for it. The other thing I've been doing okay with eating, which means low carb, no sugar. And maybe I miss sugar because I think it may be true that sugar can cheer you up. (however, I used to eat sugar and felt depressed after so I don't know).

So I was so blah, I went with my mom for a long grocery shopping trip and when we arrived home I was so in a mood to eat. I wanted so badly to binge. But it wasn't really because I was hungry, it was maybe something I used to do as a habit and I felt the need to do it. I don't know. I know, too much I don't knows in this post. (:

Anyway there was a point, when I didn't care. But even if it is only 17 days and I'm in a middle of breaking a bad habit I went instead for a long power walk. And it felt great. I could clear my mind and it made me remember what I want to leave behind myself. To be able to control such situations in the long term. I know if I gave in eating wouldn't have cheered me up either. So at least I didn't waste another healthy eating day, and I also added a non planned workout.

Re-thinking

Was I gloomy today morning? Yes I was but I have some other things to be stressed out too. Anyway I put some effort into re-thinking today morning's reaction and I realised I judged it from the wrong way. It was then a big success for me, the only time during the 6 years of struggling with my weight when something really worked and I lost weight instead of gaining. That's why it was a milestone in my life. But what happened two years ago, happened. (and I have to admit, if I have done it absolutely right I wouldn't be here)

The point is what happened two weeks ago that's something. And I have to compare the past two weeks to the past 1,5 years. I started to care about again what I eat, I'm active, I can have a good night sleep again, I exercise on a regular basis, I eat fruits, I don't binge etc. Instead of course being lazy and simply not caring. I feel I have goals again and I'm waking up from some winter sleep.

I never really saw the point of this saying until today:

The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back.

Just do it!

(originally posted 18/08/09)

Seriously, ever since I created this blog (approx. a week ago) I haven't done anything worth to mention towards losing weight. (except the opposite) I really don't know why but basically the whole summer was the same for me. There has been this cloud screaming 'you need to loose weight, now, you know you want it' above my head, and I know it's there so let it be. Planning, planning, planning. Excuses, like 'as of tomorrow' etc. Even if I made a bad food choice before noon I'd said okay, then I'd start tomorrow the 'heathy life' and kept making bad food choices for all day. Vicious circle. Then Sunday evening I had that kind of 'wake up' moment. You know, something major hit me and I literally was forced to go out and do something about it.

Then yesterday I dusted my indoor bicycle. I had a 45-minute-exercise, then since I hadn't really gone anywhere yesterday I just had the impulse so I went for an evening power walking session around the nearby lake. And you know what? It felt great. I haven't been exercising for quite a while and I forgot how it felt. I even realised that I made better choices subconsciously for what I ate and drink yesterday. So I have to admit, there is something about in the 'just do it' slogan, indeed.