Good times, bad times

Last Tuesday we celebrated a day early a close friend’s birthday. We had tickets to the MUPA for a special movie screening, basically a modern jazz concert by the famous Hungarian vocalist, Veronika Harcsa. Before the concert we went to a restaurant to have dinner, and it was a great opportunity also, because our birthday friend brought her Portuguese boyfriend (whom I haven’t seen for almost 1,5 years), and he also brought a Portuguese friend so we had a lovely company. Unfortunately my tummy felt freaky so I only ordered an iced-coffee, but for my bad luck they put all the sugary cream and sugar without asking my opinion. I didn’t want to make a scene and make a deal about it, so I drank half of the glass. (I have some issues with my stomach and sugar.) Anyway, we went to a concert which first was hell but after the first 3 tracks turned out to be awesome. The music was so unbelievably beautiful and touching so when the show was over we were in a complete shock. It was only around 10 pm so we decided to go to the birthday girl’s apartment to chill and have a tea since it was freezing cold. We had so much fun there, started to share the common stories, watch the photos the guys made in Zagreb, etc. And then came a point where my tummy started to hurt again and I felt that very unpleasant pain all over. The whole ‘thing’ is getting better and better but still. Especially when you’re surrounded people and don’t want them to know. I cannot help myself so I lay down to the sofa. We were supposed to leave but I kept saying ‘a couple minutes’ when they realized there was something wrong. The birthday girl’s boyfriend is a doctor, so he started to ask questions. And randomly I started to talk. Which I never do about ‘this’ situation. Never, not even on this blog, not even with my closest friends. I still don’t know why or how it happened, despite the fact that it freaked me out that he did know the medical background of these things. So basically I didn’t have to say ‘that much’. Anyway, it was better to hear things in such informal atmosphere and from a different point of view. And I was so surprised to hear something, which I haven’t heard before, that ‘it’s okay’. I mean I always heard how bad and abnormal thing this is, but never, never that ‘it’s okay’. For a very long time this was the first time when I didn’t feel so bad and guilty. Maybe that’s the key.

On our way back home this whole conversation freaked me out a lot. I hardly got any sleep and I had an early morning class. Tuesday was great but by Wednesday I basically fell apart. The thing that someone I know knew (and by this I mean really knew) completely messed me up. Then it got worse. I felt not so great then, I mean physically too. It had probably something to do with 8-9 hours sleep in 3 days and the chaos in my head, and the test I was supposed to write that day. I kept doing so weird things all day, like walking out from two classes in the middle and such things. I just wanted to go home so I packed my stuffs and caught a bus back to my home city. But I even cried on a bus.

I’m still shocked why I was so emotional on that day. But it’s quite obvious. I also had that very first freaking out in the 11th week that this is a very long journey and I’m still very far from my goal. But I have to admit, it’s the longest I could control myself … like ever. And I didn’t run to food or the bathroom. I was so messed up but I didn’t even think about it. To tell the truth, no matter how hard that day was for me, but it might mean that even if it’s very slow, that I’m doing a huge progress. Crazy.

Weekend in the country side

I was waiting for the past two days because with my aunt we drove to the country side to visit my grandma’s cute cottage. The landscape is amazing, the fresh air and autumn leaves were supposed to colour our weekend. The weekend basically started with a C25k run. First it was very chilly and I thought I was unable to complete the training. Luckily after 5 minutes I was back on track, and finished quite good.

At my grandma we basically did nothing but reading under a blanket, drinking tea and Irish Mist, talking and sleeping. I wish the weather had been better so that it wouldn’t have been so freezing outside.

On the other thing, eating. My grandma is a wonderful cook and as soon as we arrived I saw nothing but home made cakes and cookies … everywhere. First I thought it had been a bad dream but it was reality. I have to confess that keeping myself away from all the deliciousness wasn’t hard. I only tasted one, a small bite and that was more than enough. I was rather bothered by that everyone noticed I lost weight. Probably it sounds weird but I haven’t made a big fuss about my goal to lose the weight, I only mentioned a hint to my mom when she asked and then we finished the conversation. Most of the times I feel ashamed that I’m doing a weight loss oriented diet and I work out on a regular basis. Can not explain why but I try to keep it in a secret as much as it is possible, so when it was dinner time I felt so uncomfortable when I had to tell my grandma and aunt that I would rather only eat cottage cheese and fruits. It was weird, uncomfortable and then they started to ask questions about my weight loss, progress etc.

I don’t want to sound like I am not proud of myself. Because I am. But I just wish I wouldn’t need to share these kind of things with people. I’m starting to feel comfortable with this issue on this blogosphere but it’s so weird when people notice the change and start to ask questions. But on the other hand the compliments I get were nice. But it’s still a long road to go.

The scale

Today’s weight: 75.3 kg / 165.6 lbs. That’s a 1.3 kg / 2.6 lbs loss for this week!!! (:

The stats: I officially lost 9.17 % of my starting weight, which means 7.6 kg / 16.7 lbs in 10 weeks. 45 % of my goal is achieved.

By next week I’m hoping to fulfill my minigoal to get under the 75 kg mark. And now, since I had breakfast (a half bagel with jam and a half bowl of red grapes) I’m off to go for a run (however it’s 43 degrees outside) before I leave for the countryside this weekend.

False self-image

I’m starting to feel and notice of the benefits of healthy lifestyle, but still I’m a bit concerned about how slow this has been going. On the other hand I also start to feel a little bit more confident about myself, so this week I chose some pieces from my wardrobe which I haven’t worn for a while. I’m not saying those fit perfectly, but I enjoyed wearing them. No idea why, but I felt skinny - or at least skinnier. But this feeling lasted until I saw myself in the campus mirror.

To tell the truth this weight loss is hard for me because my weight has been fluctuating for 6 years, but this summer I reached my heaviest. (instead of stable 73kg I weighted almost 83kg) For a very long time I had no weight problems and when I started to gain notable amount of weight when I was 16 I didn’t care because I just didn’t believe that I could have gained that much. Every time I looked into the mirror I didn’t see the obvious, and I suppose many people are familiar with this. In my mind I have always been ‘skinny’ but the reality always hits when I step into a clothing store and try to find some decent pieces, but none of the fit. And here comes the mind game. I’ve been doing fine, eating healthy, working out for quite a time and I still have to be declared as a fat person.

I’m okay with that. But I wish I hadn’t had any weight loss, fat fighter past which I could always be compared to. However, I really don’t want to complain, because negative attitude never leads anywhere and I do enjoy wearing the pants which are getting loose. It looks funny, but feels amazing. (:


Weight: 76.5kg / 168.3lbs (Can’t believe I reached the sixties especially since I eat so bad the past week!)

I know it’s already mid October but my early month lack of enthusiasm postponed this monthly entry. When September started I wrote about the goals, expectations and now I’m trying to do the same and review the past month. The list:

- Keep tracking food and workouts
- Dinner always before 7pm (there were only 3-4 exceptions)
- Start the run 5k program
- Try out yoga or pilates
- Workout at least 4 times a week (though I worked out mostly 3 times a week, but those were very active and effective workout sessions, so I consider it a success)

All in all September went well, I passed that crucial exam I was so afraid of, I moved to a new place which turned out to be amazing, my last year of university is also going pretty well. Tons of schoolwork but I manage to find the balance. I’m also living a very active social life right now, there was a week when I went out 4 nights. However, I feel very insecure around people. Not because I care about their opinion me being fat (I do care a little), but the simple fact that I’m not feeling comfortable in my own skin. It can be so annoying to witness what my life would be if I wasn’t this heavy. And I say this because in my friend circle basically I’m the only one who is obese.

As for October I have bigger plans. I mean September seemed like a test month for me, whether I can keep up with myself while I need to attend classes and be back to Budapest. It worked, I just need to boost things up a little. I calculated a little with the numbers and in order to get close to my goal by my birthday I need 1.8-2 pound weekly losses. On 5th November I’m also invited to a huge party, so my short term goal is to get close to the 160lbs mark. In addition:

- Keep tracking food and workouts
- blog regularly
- finish 5k program
- increase weekly workout sessions
- give yoga another try


It’s amazing that in running how a person’s stamina can improve in such short term. I remember my first run, I hardly could jog through the 8 * 1 minute sets. I kept checking my watch that how an earth could 60 seconds last an eternity.

However, my fears (knee problems?, am I too heavy to run?) are still on the surface but despite all of this I always look forward to the running days. I found a great training for those who haven’t run in a long time and it seems to cooperate with my annoying (I’d love to believe unnecessary) fears. I thought I’d share in case somebody’s interested (you can also follow my progress):


On the other hand I am very lucky because in Budapest I live on the bank side Danube and nearby there’s a gorgeous running place. It’s not that crowded, less smog because there are no traffic-heavy roads and streets (only an urban train). The view is so lovely I can never get bored of it. 3198088327_dd42c02b70_b


However, I wonder what is going to happen in the next few weeks. We’ve been lucky with the weather so far, amazing indian summer days, lovely sunshine. But chilly days are coming soon...

Weight loss reboot

I haven’t given up on the weight loss blogosphere but it has certainly been a while since I last updated.

The main reason of the absence was most likely something like Hadley mentioned in her blog a week ago. Boredom. I grew tired of constant proportion control and all the healthy food, workouts and such. According to my excel sheet I lost 12.3lbs in 8 weeks. Seems a bit slow, nevertheless, I won’t complain. Every week I stepped on the scale (except the first one) I lost weight. Even if it was just a tiny loss. Somehow ‘living healthy’ became a monotonous routine of my life and I just couldn’t see the goal anymore I set in the beginning. So if I wrote a week 7 review, it would involve rambling about bad food choices and feeling blue. For instance last weekend I did something I promised I would leave behind myself. I went to the supermarket and bought a bag of chips, cookies and a bag of pretzels. All the items are known to be high in fat, obviously junk food. I used to have daily trips like this one (the reason I became fat) to the supermarket but seriously I haven’t done it for 7 weeks. I felt a little remorse because I knew I should have been a bit more responsible but some dark thoughts kept whispering why on the earth not to have a real binge after all this time? On the other hand I didn’t feel bad because I had been a good girl for 7 weeks. Also, in the deep I somehow hoped that a binge could throw me back on track because I would realize how crazy that lifestyle and how I wanted to change. I also attended to a birthday party last weekend where I decided not to say no to alcohol (yay champagne and martini!) and the cake. All together my theory worked. Turned out that during the last 7 weeks my body got used to healthy meals and I had an awful tummy ache for 2 days.

I believe in trends and the problems of sustainable growth (in this case sustainable weight loss) is a hell of a struggle to maintain. I think last week my mood was also influenced by Friday’s ridiculous 0.6 pound loss, however I ate well and worked out 4 times that week. I also started to be less enthusiastic about everything and maybe sometimes a sugar free diet can throw you for a mind loop.

Anyway, a new month started and I seem to be doing fine. It’s just patience I have a serious problem with.