The background story

(originally posted 12/08/09)

Hi. I'm a 23 year old girl living in Europe. I have a weight problem. I have issues with eating too. This has been going on for about 6 years so here came the point where I say that's enough and I'm going to fight this 'thing'.

As I can recall it all started when I was 16 years old. My highschool girlfriends had some weight issues and I kinda got dragged into it. I only carried around 3-4kg extra on myself but this dieting, exercising madness became something bigger than me. I didn't realise at the time that my 'problem' was very different from what my friends had. (basically I had no problem) Then I lost weight, I did exercise, but I built a very strange relationship with food. I kept on going this lifestyle for a year when the habit of no-eating days and the over-eating days completely collapsed. I started to gain weight, from 53kg I went up to 60kg in a couple of months. I gave up exercising, I chose eating huge amount of junk food and cookies. My personality had changed, I became very introverted, I also skipped a year before I went to university. I stopped weighing myself, I pretended like everything was normal (but it wasn't) when I can not really remember when, but I realised I was 83 kg. Then university started and I found myself steady 73-74kg for like two years.

Of course every day I thought of dieting and losing weight. I was always obsessed with it. I had attempts, but the expectations I set for myself were so high that I was unable to meet them, usually gave up in a couple of days. Then 2 years ago I started dieting and exercising, trying to do it without the pressure which had failed me so many times in the past. I built a system and I was able to maintain it for 3-4 months. 67kg, and I was perfectly satisfied with it. But then I again. I stopped the system and gained the weight back. My weight though became steady. Altough this year was so hard at the university I started gaining again and sadly I'm over 80kg now.

But I can't bear it anymore. As I have experience how it is to be with a healthy body image now I have this miserable cloud over my head. It gives me such disadvantages. I hate them. The main problem is I am a perfect example for 'living is easy with eyes closed' and I hardly paid any attention to the actions I took as regards my health in the past.

So I've decided to start this blog and I'll do my best.


Eszter said...

Test comment.